ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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