roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I believe in your delicious
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I need water and some morals
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize