Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
