How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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