she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
