Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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