The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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