She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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