We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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