My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
