Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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