his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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