At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
