Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
