I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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