If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
