once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
