I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
