i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize