he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
