Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
