It's like God shit irony all over that family
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
