All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
