i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize