He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
