I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
