i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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