she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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