My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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