plz talk dirty to me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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