I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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