note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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