Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
