I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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