Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need to stop coming to work sober
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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