Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
