I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
how drunk are you?
Several
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
