Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
