im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
