The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize