It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
