You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
