cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
