All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Can Purell be used as lube?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to be your penis for a week.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
