I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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