so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize