I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize