Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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