When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
