so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
