once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
