Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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