Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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