so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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