I think I won the penis lottery.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
