we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
