On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
