one two three fourrrrnication!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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