Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
