kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Mom said you looked used
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
