Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Enjoy the penises
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
