you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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