If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
