Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
