i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
