Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
