I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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