I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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