FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
