he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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