I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So vagazzling was a success
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
